That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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