I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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