I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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