mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
