you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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