I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
