Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
