I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
