im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
