If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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