I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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