We're facebook friends in real life
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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