Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
