so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
