We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
