how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
