I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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