I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
