Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
