the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
