OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
