haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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