You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
