apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
