Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
