Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
