just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
