I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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