C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
