thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
