mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
