Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
