I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
