She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
