He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
