the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
