Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
