nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
