got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
