I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I could fuck to npr.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
