hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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