I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
