he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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