I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
