some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All the doctor said was why
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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