Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
