i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
