if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
