she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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