dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
