I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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