I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
