That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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