wat bout pragnant strippers??
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
