You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize