I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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