He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
