I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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