Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
