I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize