The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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