her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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