Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
