I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
