i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Please don't give away my fajitas
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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