Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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