My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
someone owes me an orgasm
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
