I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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