If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
