i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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