You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
